Lightning Storms and Shrimp Boats

One of the best times I can remember was that 1982 trip to North Carolina - sitting on the deck with a couple cases of beer, a couple pizzas and who knows how many pounds of fresh shrimp that we bought earlier that day

We're looking over the ocean with storms in the distance throwing off such lightning it was amazing.

With each lightning flash, you would see all the shrimp boats out in the water... what an awesome sight.

One of the most peaceful feelings I've ever had and one of the tamest moments for the Dawgs.

That is, until one of us decided to lay down odds on which boat was gonna get struck by lightning... what the hell - you gotta have some fun!!

Fear and Loathing in Emporia, VA

So about a year after we started working at the Tombs, we graduated high school. Around that time, BB's parents had a house built in NC on the beach.

ROAD TRIP!!!

We figured we would stop along the way to spend the night in this little place called Emporia, VA. Man, we should have drove all the way through.

2 cars, 5 guys.

We get down to Emporia and check into this Holiday Inn... what a dive...

We go to this liquor store and get a bunch of beer, load the sink in the bathroom up with ice and beer and proceed to drink. Mickey's Big Mouth is the beverage of choice... (what the hell, we were poor!!!)

We get lit and go to dinner... seafood for everyone (I think)...

We get back to the room and holy shit the place is spinning...

"Jerry - move over..." Blaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

At least I made it to the bathroom before losing it...

Needless to say, we had to leave housekeeping one hell of a tip the next morning and get the hell out of town before the local sheriff showed up and locked us up.

The beginning of a great trip...

Next chapter - Lighting stores and shrimp boats

Nightly Weather Reports

So time goes by and we're all pretty well entrenched in the ways of the Tombs. What's really happened is that we've taken over the damn store and almost run things on our terms. I've bounced from department to department and am now working morning shifts in produce. Dealing with orders, reports and a bunch of other stuff. Just about everything except making schedules and stuff...

BB has gotten into a new routine when he's working in the Customer Service cage - he delivers weather reports over the PA system! Not sure how it started but it got to be a tradition and on some nights if he hadn't done it by 9pm, CUSTOMERS would start asking him what's the weather gonna be...

He had the audience by the nads and kept 'em coming back for more...

Dinner in NYC - MORE BEER

One of the great things about where I grew up is that we were so damn close to New York City. Didn't particulary like to go there often, but you couldn't beat the music scene and it was a good place to go for some good, harmless(?) fun...

There was a place in the city that had this dinner promo where you go in, get a steak and they give you all the shrimp you can eat and all the beer you can drink... Beer? Did someone say BEER?!?!?!?!

Guess what? - we just HAD to check this shit out because it was too good to be true... how dare they challenge the DAWGS to all the beer you can drink!!! The simple FOOLS!!! Silly rat-bastards... we'll show them what "all the beer you can drink" really fucking means!!! HA!

So we go... we sit down, about 8 of us if I remember... the main character is GF - all 240 pounds of him.. the man who can eat an entire pizza by taking one slice and folding it over onto another and eating the damn thing like a single slice... he said it was to make him feel like he was only eating 4 slices instead of the full 8...

The waiter starts by asking for our drink orders... why BEER of course you silly little twit!!! Bring beer - lots of beer... and none of these pansy-ass glasses - WE WANT MANLY MUGS damn it!!!

Oh - and where's the damn shrimp? The simpleton points us to the shrimp bar... we observe... lines of people queued up for the shrimp... OK - we figure we'll play nice (for now) and get in line... GF grabs 2 plates and piles them high ... the rest of us one plate but equally piled high.

Damn - not bad.... then we choose our slab of meat... 8 young carnivorous guys from Joizy daring the scum from NYC to call us out... but no - they bring the meat!! Ah... more beer...

New bowls of shrimp hit the ice... we're there... .we got the timing down just right now... shrimp comes out, we queue up quickly to get the best of the lot and get back in time to catch the bastard clearing plates and trying to slink away without asking us if we want more brew... the bastard!!! We'll show him... BRING 4 MORE PITCHERS! HA!!

We were hunkered down for the better part of 2 and a half hours when the punk noticed that we were human after all and started to slow down and catch our breath...

"Are you gentlemen through?" he asks... What did you just call me you little freak???!!!!! Oh - sorry, of course I'll take my hands from around your throat - I thought you called me a name or something :-)

GF, without blinking, turns to the little terd and says totally deadpan - "NO, BRING MORE BEER"

After another 90 minutes of laughing, drinking, drinking and laughing (and filling in the dead time with more drinking) we were done... It's hard to tell how much $$ we cost that place that night since they so desperately wanted to get us the hell out of there, but we ate good, didn't harm anyone (at least physically, anyway) and left the poor punk a nice tip... we might have been loud, rude and crude, but we tipped well.

Epilogue - we have to figure that the only place for the poor fool who was saddled with serving us that night spent the next 5 or 6 years in therapy where he recounted the sheer gluttony he was forced to endure witnessing at the hands of the DAWGS. No amount of thorazine washed down with large amounts of Jack Daniels could have gotten the visions out of his head... To this day he probably wakes up drenched in a cold sweat screaming ... "Oh the HORROR!!! Make them stop!!! PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP!!!"

I've rambled long enough - where's my beer??

Who's Driving Tonight??

Some of the crap we used to hear just standing around... it was unbelievable!

This next one comes courtesy of a couple of "glitter girls" - typical east coast female versions of the "guido".

These gals were tightly packaged, (usually) well put together, hair a mile high and more often than not, were not the brightest bunch of gals in the northeast. They were living to the image and in a lot of cases, they used so much friggin' hairspray that they had to put signs on their backs that said "Keep Away From Open Flame"!!!!

Most guys didn't have a chance of going out with one of these gals unless their hair was plastic and didn't move in a wind tunnel turned up to hurricane strength, drove a Camaro or Firebird and were named Vito, Carmine or Tony.

Anyway, the timeclock was at the front of the store, around the corner from the customer service counter. Me, BB and GF were there shooting the shit when these two come up to get smokes or something. We can see they were classic glitter girls and the wind blew through their ears as easily as it would down the street.

Anyway - they were contemplating (as best they can) who was driving for their date that night when the conversation got insane (I swear this is true!!):

Glitter-Girl #1 - "Shit - I hope Tony's not drivin' tonight..."

Glitter-Girl #2 - "Why not?"

Glitter-Girl #1 - "Because my hair don't fit in 'da Camaro..."

Needless to say, we all lost it at that very moment and just started laughing our asses off in front of these poor kids. What did we care, not like we were gettin any from those 2 that night. None of us owned (or wanted) a Camaro - (some of those bastards had the NERVE to put flourescent pink wiper arms and radio antennae on the damn cars! That's punishable by being beaten unconscious, being woken up and beaten all over again!!!!)

What really scares me is that these girls most likely reproduced... I wonder if the government ever checked into the effects of second-hand hairspray on unborn children!!

Things that make you go HMMMMMMMM.....

Bakery Mary

Mary was the woman who ran the bakery. She didn't manage it, but she sure as shit ran the place.

Tough old Polish broad. About as wide as she was tall and cussed like a sailor.

When the blueberry muffins came out of the oven, you knew it. Not because you could smell them but because she came around to your area and let you know "Blueberry ready baby!"

She called everyone at the Tombs "baby" - whether you liked it or not.

If she didn't like you though you were also crowned "little fucking shit". She had a few of those at the store. Luckily, I was one of those that she liked, which was good because those muffins were damn good!!

Pulling the Trailer with Mary Queen of Scotts and PN Quinn

GF was in a pretty funny mood one night.

Not sure what got him going, but we had to sign for the trailer (not that anyone was counting anything but the cigarettes that were on it).

One night he decided to sign the trailer "Mary, Queen of Scots"!!! That wasn't so bad and we forgot about it - HA HA, and we went on our merry way.

2 or 3 days later, the home office calls the store looking for the gal that signed for the trailer that night. Ironically the girl working the courtesy counter that night was named Mary!

Here's what I recall of the exchange:
Office: Yeah, can I talk to the girl who signed for the trailer Monday night?
Mary: No girl signed for the trailer - only the guys pull the trailer and sign.
Office: What did you say your name was?
Mary: Mary... why?
Office: Well, the paperwork has your name on it.
Mary: I didn't work on Monday night...
Office: Is there another Mary there?
Mary: Only in the bakery and she's not signing for the trainers either - what's the name on the paperwork?
Office: Mary - Mary Queen of Scots
Mary: (laughing histerically) - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?
Office: What?
Mary: She's DEAD! You've been had! (still laughing)

Mary: (over the PA system) - GF, come to the courtesy counter or dial 91... (still laughing)....

Mary was a good sport and took our shit really well.

Another name commonly used was QUINN... Mr. PN QUINN

What do you want - we were goofy! :-)